I have been struggling a lot lately with thinking that I have failed people. Struggling with the fact that I can not always live up to people’s expectations of me. And it’s hard, it really is, to not be all that someone thinks you are.
To not be able to reach that high bar they ask you to jump and touch.
But it’s okay. I have to tell myself this over and over. It is okay to not be able to be all that you think you are or that someone else thinks you are. There is only one expectation in the world that matters.
And God promises that he’s not going to expect more of us than we can give. He isn’t going to ask us to jump higher than we can. He knows our limitations and he is not going to be disappointed if we can’t go past them.
I try so hard to be all that people ask of me, and I need to stop worrying about people, and focus on God’s expectations of me. If I reach God’s expectations, that is all that matters.
I don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty for not doing the impossible.
But at the same time, this doesn’t give me a free pass to not try hard, to not try to reach my parent’s expectations or my friends’, but I do need to stop worrying about it as much as I do.
The time that I spend worrying, I could be using much better elsewhere.
I am going to fail people’s expectations. And that’s okay. It really is. As long as I focus on the kingdom of my Heavenly Father and his goals and his purpose for me, that is all that matters. Not the love of men, but the love of God.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. ~Mathew 6:33
As much as I would love to always be what people expect, or to be as mature or as spiritual or reaching as much people as they want me to, I know that I can not always match it.
I can’t always jump as high as I’m asked.
And that’s okay. I don’t need to feel guilty or ashamed. You don’t need to feel guilty or ashamed.
My friends and parents have been telling me a lot lately that condemnation is not of God, but of Satan. And as I’m writing this, I feel the love of the Father, not disappointment at not reaching man’s standards.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:5-6
I won’t pretend like I understand it all, and that I’m not struggling with this and that I figured it all out, because it still bugs me. It still claws at my heart, trying to jump in and smother me with guilt and shame.
But you know what?
I’m not going to accept it. I refuse the guilt and the shame.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. ~John 14:27
I accept the peace of the Father and not the guilt of Satan.
I refuse the feeling of failure, because I have not failed my God, I have not failed my parents, I have not failed the people who love me and know me well. I will not be overcome by failure. I accept the peace of God.
So yes, I may have failed man, but I am loved by God.
When it comes down to it, that’s all that matters.
I just need to remember it. It’s hard to hear the quiet still voice when your mind turns on you like a pack of wild dogs.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Mathew 11:28
I don’t have to take the yoke of men that is heavy and that I can’t carry, I can accept the light yoke of my Shepherd.
So that’s what I’m going to do. I am going to cast off this guilt and shame and take up the mercy and love of my Father.