I’m Not Enough and That’s A Good Thing

Hello Readers,

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is a personal battle of mine. I’m sure that many of you feel this struggle I’m about to describe, but even if you don’t, it still can be applicable.

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Or, you know, deep introspection. Huns works too, though.

I’m good at borrowing guilt, or “borrowing depravity”. I will feel guilty about things I have never done (and things I would never want to do) simply because I feel the need to wallow. Simply because I think if I’m not reminded of my own depravity, I might get an ego. Because I feel the need to wallow in my own sinfulness instead of His righteousness. If you’re nodding your head right now in understanding, let me tell you something.

That’s the Devil talking. Not God.

I like to remind myself that I’m not enough (more on this concept in a bit). Maybe I think that’s humility. Beating yourself up is humility, right?

Wrong.

 

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That’s not humility, it’s not even close.

So what, if I’m not enough? So what, if I fail expectations and fall on my face now and again? Reminding myself of that does not make me humble. It might not even be fully true.

Humility is defined as follows:

a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.

A modest view of my own importance is not focusing on what a horrible person I could potentially be. In fact, that’s the opposite of humility; what I’m doing in focusing on my errors and shortcomings and potential for wickedness is focusing again, upon myself. That’s not a modest view of how important I am, now is it? The world doesn’t revolve around us, it doesn’t revolve around me.

 

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You’d think we’d have figured out this concept by now, right? Wrong.

 

I know this, but it always manages to give me a shock when I’m reminded of it.

Going back to the “I’m not enough” statement now. Which is absurd. I’m not enough for God, most definitely. But when has he ever required me to be enough? This is the God that loved me when I was drowning in my own sin. This is the God who did not just drag me out of that hell, but the God who died the most excruciating death just so I would never have to feel my own sin coating my throat ever again.

So yea, I’m not enough.

Yea, I’m human. Yea, I mess up. I’m not ever going to be enough, I’m not ever going to succeed at everything, I’m not ever going to be right all the time. And I’ll be honest, that thought scares me, when I really let it sink in.

But here’s the flip side of that.

Jesus is/was/will be enough. Jesus already succeeded at everything; even defeating death, which strikes fear into all that meet it. Jesus will always be right.

So yea, I write to you now as a messy teenager, confused by the struggles in her head and knowing without a doubt that I’m not enough. I worry too much, I don’t know all the answers but I act like I know them and I get too heated about little things. I’m not enough.

And that’s more than ok.

Actually, that’s the greatest thing ever. I’m not enough, so He became enough. I wasn’t enough, so instead of leaving me there, in my not enough state, He hugged me close and informed me that the burden was no longer mine to bear.

So if you find yourself being reminded that you’re not enough, look that straight in the face and tell it yes with a smirk. You aren’t enough. But you aren’t meant to stay there, staring into the mirror and crying.

That has no power over you anymore.

Jesus doesn’t want you to stay there, looking at your hands and seeing how small and frail they are; too fragile to hold the weight they should be carrying.

He wants you to look at his hands, scarred and calloused. He wants you to see his wrists, where your burden found its final rest.

My friends, we are not meant to stay staring our depravity in the face. We were meant to defeat it. We were meant, you were meant to move past it, to refuse it any ground.

So if you find yourself trying to borrow guilt or depravity because you feel the need to remind yourself of your depravity, remember that Jesus is enough.

He doesn’t want you walking around with your head down and shoulders hunched, so why are you doing it, my friend?

Walk with your head high. Keep walking. Don’t look back to see if the shadows still look the same.

Keep on walking in the sun.

You are loved, no matter who you are, where you’re at in life, if you’re a church kid or want nothing to do with God, doesn’t matter where you call your home or who you call your family.

What matters is that you’re not enough, but He is.

~Ruby Sky

 

 

 

 

 

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36 thoughts on “I’m Not Enough and That’s A Good Thing

  1. Great post, I really needed this. This is something I struggle with a lot because so many people are always telling me how great I am. Honestly, I can’t even go to work or church without someone complimenting me. When I was younger, I enjoyed the attention, but now, I almost instantly resort to telling myself “you don’t deserve this, you’re actually a bad person, these people don’t know you, etc” I know this isn’t the “humble” response, as you said, but it happens very often.
    Anyway, thank you for the comforting read. God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know the feeling 🙂 We’re on our guard against pride that we forget that self loathing is just as dangerous and dare I say it, sinful. I’m so glad it was able to speak to you, that was my wish. May the peace of Our Father be with you, my friend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I need to tell myself this every day. I can get so overwhelmed and depressed simply because I’m not the smartest or the most successful… but that’s not who I was designed to be. Freedom comes from realizing I’m not enough and God is. Thank you so, so much for putting it into words!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my word, I needed this post so bad!! This is such a beautiful reminder!!!! I’m constantly tearing myself down. It’s awful, and I don’t like it, and sometimes it feels like I just can’t stop, but hearing this just gives me so much hope. You have no idea…. Thank you SO much!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautifully expressed truth, Ruby. Thanks for the reminder that Jesus is more than enough and that we should not focus on ourselves but on Him. Love you! Aunt J

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow… what a difficult subject to tackle. I think you did it quite gracefully!

    Yes, focusing on our sins is just as much directing attention at ourselves as focusing on our “righteousness”. I have enough guilt of my own not to need to borrow any. It only took one sin to condemn me, after all. But that’s not where we’re meant to stop. Our depravity is only meant to bring us to see our need for our Savior, and then to come to the Savior and rejoice in His Greatness. We are no longer the focus, nor is our sin.

    Thanks, Ruby. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You did a wonderful job on the piece, and I think that it had both the impact that you intended and more.

    Also, C.S. Lewis’s reflections on humility (particularly in Mere Christianity) have been rather amazing to me, I would highly recommend it if you haven’t studied through it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 🙂 Yes! I had begun reading through it, I’m pretty sure, but I think something happened so I didn’t finish the book. I will most definitely read through all of it, thank you for reminding me of it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow…This post was mesmerizing. Literally. I know how it feels. It’s just so hard for me to appreciate myself sometimes, because if I don’t I’ll never be able to stay on the ground. Yet, we should learn to accept, instead of demeaning ourselves. It is truly, wonderful post.

    Liked by 1 person

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