Now, to ease your worries before we start this blog post, I want to make a couple things clear. No, I am not depressed. No, I am not mentally unstable. I am not desperately lonely with no friends in the world. I am not angry, tired, or upset at my life.
I love my life, I love my friends, I am more emotionally stable than a lot of the population of the world. I am not depressed or anxious. I am quite happy with my life, and I love the Lord.
Alright. Now we may begin.
I’ve been noticing lately, a pattern to movies, TV shows, and books that I’m attracted to. I love stories about lonely people. Here, I’ll give you a brief overview.
The Search for Wondla: A girl tries to find humanity on a planet that turns out to be much different than it seems. She has two friends, an alien and a robot, to aid her. But they aren’t like her. So while she is happy and she loves them, she is really alone on that world. The only remaining human.
BBC’s Sherlock: A genius who no one understands, a brilliant lonely guy who everyone labels as a ‘psychopath’ because they don’t get it. And then he meets this guy, John Watson. John becomes his friend, and he sticks by him through everything. When everyone has given up on Sherlock, John is there standing by him and shouting back at them that they’re wrong, and that his friend is brilliant.
Harry Potter: Harry doesn’t fit in in the human world, as he uses magic, but nor does he fit in the wizardry world, as he is also very, very human. He has two friends who also stick by him through thick and thin. But one’s nearly all human, and the other is all wizard.
See the pattern?
And now for my favorite:
Doctor Who: The last of his kind, a Time Lord, the Doctor travels through space and time, saving people and preventing what happened to him happening to others. He takes his human (or alien) companions along for the ride, showing them the stars.
Oh, I love this story so much. Because while a lot of people would become bitter, the Doctor just dives in and saves people. He never hesitates to sacrifice himself for anyone. And as he’s immortal, as soon as he says hello to someone, he knows, oh how he knows, that he’s going to have to say bye to them.
Does he hole himself up? Never invest in people, never let himself love?
He dives in. He loves people, they love him back. He has best friends, and he falls in love, and he says goodbye. And it hurts. But he does it. Cause he knows it was worth it.
And that has really helped me, I know it sounds weird, to be helped by Doctor Who. But that show has spoke to me, because in some ways, in a lot of ways, I can relate to the Doctor.
The life I lead, I’m always saying hellos, and I’m always saying goodbyes. And I love my life. But it hurts sometimes. You miss people. And you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I travel, not in a blue box, but in airplanes and cars and trains. I’ve never lived somewhere for more than four years.
I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s.
Even though it hurts sometimes. And it can get a little lonely.
Because, like the Doctor, I also have companions. I have friends. And I know them better than they know themselves, sometimes. And I know, deep down, that I’ll have to say bye one day. Because I move all over. That’s what God has called me to do.
And it’s okay. It’s honestly okay to hurt and have it not be fixed. I wouldn’t trade it. It was worth it. People. The right people, that is. Are always worth it.
If you hurt when you say goodbye, that means it meant something. That means it impacted you and changed you and made you better and more whole.
You move on eventually. You miss them, you text them, you talk over the phone, but it won’t be the same. And you know what?
Because you’ll get a new companion. You’ll get new friends. It is okay to move on. You aren’t betraying someone or dishonoring their memory by moving on. By making new friends. By being happy.
I am a happy person.
I am an optimist.
I love people. I love where I live. I love where I have lived. And I love where I will live one day.
And you know what? If I have a little ache for those places, those people, that means I lived a life worth living.
I was impacted. I felt. I felt pain and anger and love. That’s what I want to be able to say when I die.
When I die, I want to be able to smile and say that over the course of my life, that I really lived. That I felt. That I made my God proud. That I made my parents proud. That I lifted up my siblings, I taught my children. That I loved my husband and my friends were close. I want to be able to say that.
What’s a little hurt compared to that?
I know, just like The Doctor, as soon as I say hi to someone, I’ll also say bye, I hope that I’ll still go forward, that I’ll let myself be open and be their friend, and let them be mine back.
Some of you might be rolling your eyes, because yes, I am talking mostly about a science fiction British show.
But it’s helped me.
Because I travel. Because I say good bye more than most people ever will. Because I am a deep person and if you become my friend, you get in close and deep. Because I miss people. Because I feel everything deeply. Because I’m cheerful.
I want to be able to smile and say hello, even as I know, that a couple years down the road, I’ll be saying goodbye.
That is my goal.
P.S Please read the beginning paragraphs if you feel sorry for me after you read this post. Because I don’t. Don’t feel sorry for me. I love my life. I love what God’s doing in my life, and I love what He’s teaching me.